okies

i slept at 5 last night.
talked to VARIAN till 3+ i think.

i cried.
cried my heart out.
and i didn sleep well.

i'm missing him.
but i know.
i cant change anything now.

IF i patch,
i hurt more.
IF i dont patch,
i hurt least.

but in both ways.
i'll hurt.
and so will he.

maybe i shall change EVERYTHING.
i'm me because i started with him.

EMOing.
i'm dead like syafiqah is.

but i dont hate RYAN.
i seriously dont.

in fact,
i'm pitying him.

okies. i'm mean.
btu i dont care.

he broke my heart so many times.
and he healed it many times too.

so what now ?
not think about him ?
well i cant.

i'm seeing him tomorrow already.
i really hope he's goinna be alright man.

dont want to see him hurting himself.
for me.

i'm fine.
i'll cry abit once in a while.

btu i dont regret at all to have steaded with RYAN.
in fact i think it was the best time ever.

i didn waste my time on him.
i didn waste my love on him.

thats a relieve.
and i'm proud to tell him.

" YOU DIDN waste 5 months + on me "

so yeah.
back to EMOing.

later going out to some anonymous guy's house.
for tuition that is.
bleh.
with the twins of 1/5
and some other people.

and now.
i'm MOODLESS.
sadded.
i'm missing him.
and i still love him.
but the past remains a fact.
so too bad.

gotta start learning to life without him.
good luck to me dhen (: